Close To Home
by BlackDots
Summary: Bella and Alice have fled their violent pasts not allowing themselves to open up to anyone, until Bella meets Edward. Will she confide in him or run again- in order to save him? AH/AU/OOC Rating might change to M. B/E.


**A/N:**

**This is my first attempt at writing anything so please bear with me on this.**

**I read a lot of FF but didn't plan on writing one myself. I have a pretty good idea of where this story is going so I hope I finish it.**

**No, I don't have a beta but I do need one! I've tried to reach out to a few FF authors but haven't received any response- much to my dismay.**

**So- here goes.**

**I'd love reviews and feedback- I have no idea if this is crap or not.**

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns and pwns you, me and these characters. **

* * *

I drove along the clear winding road with the windows down enjoying the feel of humidity on my skin- the sticky dew making tiny pools in the crooks my elbows. The marsh blew wildly around me as I passed filling the air with it's sweet damp scent. Summer was at its peak and everything was alive.

I love the south- It's simple and humble full of history and pride that has an affect on even the most stoic of people. I didn't hesitate when Alice asked me where we should go. I knew I needed to escape the painfully cold winters of the north and all of the memories that came rushing through me every time I felt the frigid wind sink into my bones and bite at my skin. The pain was everywhere; even in the weather-, I needed to get out.

Alice has become my entire family. We saved each other from the living hell that had become our lives and I am grateful for that. I don't think about that time if I can help it. The nightmares creep in when I sleep and on those nights, Alice is there. The past has become a taboo with us.

Although we rarely speak of those times knowing looks are exchanged and she gets it. So I swallow my sobs and ease my panic _never_ allowing myself to succumb to the guilt and shame that would surely overtake me- if I allowed it.

It's possible that running away was the wrong thing to do- but when Alice offered- I didn't think twice. We packed up the truck and left. We both understand that the day will come when we have to stop running, but for now, we live in our own small world made up of balmy nights, whiskey, long roads and small town life. I am taking full advantage of the freedom and possible second chance.

There are negatives that we don't linger on. Living like this gets lonely at times; never having anyone except each other for comfort. We allow ourselves acquaintances and shallow friends that we see at dive bars and around town but nothing more. We have to keep boundaries and limits for our own good as well as others. We aren't about to allow anyone the chance to compromise the carefully crafted escape we designed for ourselves.

It's become harder the longer we remain here - more so for Alice. She is beautiful- small and striking with naturally ink black hair cut short and always pointing in various directions. Her eyes are wide and almond shaped- blue and framed by thick dark lashes that naturally curl upwards complimenting and contrasting with her pale skin perfectly. Any man that saw Alice was helpless and hypnotized by her exotic features and fluid motions. She is constantly over flowing with energy and personality which makes it hard to lead such a boxed up life.

We couldn't be more different. I enjoy living my life in a supporting role as opposed to the leading lady. Even my looks are more un assuming than Alice's. I have subtle hints of beauty that are noticed by those who take the time to see them. This used to bother me but I've grown to prefer it. I appreciate my pale skin, chocolate brown eyes and thick brown hair- which has hints of red woven throughout only visible in mid day sun. It's taken a long time to find these qualities special rather than boring but for what it's worth- I'm glad that I have.

I turned down the dirt road I've become so familiar with, feeling; like always, a mixture of anxiety and foreboding.

"Just 6 hours Bella you can do it- it's just 6 hours"

This has become my gospel. I recite it to myself 4 times a week preparing for another day at Miss Jean's store. I knew I was lucky to have this job. I liked Miss Jean well enough and didn't mind the work- but to be honest she gave me the creeps. She submits to an old form of voodoo that was wildly popular during the 1800's worshipping women like Marie Laveau; whereas my heroes would be along the lines of Sylvia Plath and Glen Danzig.

I wouldn't dare question her practices though. I need this job and she pays me under the table, which is necessary when you're interested in staying under the radar.

As far as anyone else is concerned there is no Bella Swan residing in Westwego, Louisiana. I planned to keep it that way.

The door chimes sang announcing my arrival to Miss Jean. I walked through the salt circle and over the brick dust giving proof to Miss Jean that not only are my intentions still pure but I am neither ghost nor demon.

"Fucking voodoo" I muttered under my breath wiping away the beads of sweat accumulating on the nape of my neck, trying not to disturb the layers of finely ground dust in the doorway.

"Hey Miss Jean" I yelled tossing my bag under the counter.

"Afternoon Isabella" She grumbled. She was making her way around the store lighting incense and candles, "setting the mood", as she liked to call it.

"Alright" she huffed

"I will leave you to tend to things around the store this afternoon. I have to collect a few items from town. I should be back in a few hours. We got a few deliveries yesterday if you can make the calls and arrange for pick up. You could also put a few new orders together while you're at it."

She shuffled out of the store mumbling under her breath as she went. It wasn't un common to be left in the store for hours at a time. Miss Jean seemed to do more work out of the store when I was around and I was thankful to be left in the dark when it came to her personal meetings.

I took a deep breath and got to work- happy for the distraction. We had very few customers stop by the store- mostly friends of Miss Jean's and regulars that only stopped in to pick up their packages.

"Mr. Juanico- another ritual kit promising wealth beyond your wildest dreams. When will you learn". I snickered to myself pilling up the orders around me.

I spent the afternoon arranging pick-ups and organizing the cluttered bags of remedies and candles that littered the shelves in chaos- Miss Jean's preferred method of organization.

I had my back to the door stacking spell books when I heard the chimes. Assuming Miss Jean had come back early I turned half expecting to help her carry an armful of gris-gris when my jaw dropped and my breath hitched.

"Sorry I didn't mean to startle you" he apologized holding his hands out in surrender "I um I called yesterday asking about a few books" he stammered looking shocked, why, I didn't know.

I stared at him a beat longer than necessary trying to remember how to form thoughts into words. He noticed my struggle and stepped forward- with a smug grin on his face.

"My name is Edward" he began- waiting for some sort of acknowledgment, I assumed.

"Sorry- I'm Bella you must have talked to Miss Jean. She's stepped out for the day. I just work here part time so you may find her to be more helpful unless you know what you are looking for"

I struggled to speak going into far more detail than he needed. I didn't know why I felt the need to explain myself to him. He was far more attractive than any man I had seen before- certainly more attractive than Miss Jean's regular customers.

I felt my cheeks grow warm and dropped my face in what was certainly a feeble attempt at hiding my crimson blush.

"Well I don't have anything specific in mind. To be perfectly honest I'm not exactly familiar with this stuff. I'm writing a paper on old traditions in this region- primarily voodoo so I was hoping to gain some insight from those who practice this…religion? I'm still not sure what it's considered. This is a starting point for me." He rambled on for a bit more while I found myself paying more attention to his furrowed brow and bronze hair than to his words. His skin looked smooth almost marble like in complexion and texture. I had the strongest urge to wipe the sweat from his forehead and ruffle his disheveled hair. He looked nervous and obviously out of his element. I let my eyes trail down to his, which were a startling shade of green.

"…So that's what brings me here- in a nutshell" he finished exhaling in a huff.

Crap. I mentally kicked myself for not listening to him- knowing that I should have some input by now. I walked to the counter and dropped the books I'd been clutching to my chest.

"Well- feel free to have a look around. I'd be happy to answer any questions you have but I can't imagine I will be much help to you." I said- feeling self conscious and wishing I had taken the time to learn more about this stuff.

He chuckled lightly-

I raised my eyes chancing a look at him. He was beautiful- there really was no other word and even that seemed to be an understatement. I felt my cheeks flush once again and quickly dropped my face causing a vale of hair to cascade around my shoulders and cover my face.

"Sure. Ok- thank you" he nearly whispered- Looking- frustrated probably by my lack of knowledge.

I took a deep breath and settled back into my obsessive organizing hoping to shake the anxiety that was rapidly building in my chest. I wasn't often rattled by people so I was surprised to find myself so aware of Edward.

I mentally scolded myself while rifling through stacks of foreign books forcing myself to focus on anything but Edward's presence and his occasional "Hmms".

After what felt like hours but was realistically minutes he cleared his throat.

"I think I will come back when Miss Jean is here. I have a few other places I can visit in the meantime." He said cocking a crooked grin.

I gulped. He'd be coming back.

"Sure. That makes sense, sorry I couldn't help you" I said, hoping the excitement I felt didn't leak into my words.

He smiled again.

"No need for an apology. It was nice to meet you Bella- "

I felt myself flying internally just at the casual way he said my name. I felt stunned for the third time in one day, but for the first time in a long time.

"Yeah" was my brilliant response "You too Edward".

He blinked and shuffled backward towards the door alerting the chimes and disturbing Miss Jean's voodoo version of ADT.

Well, if that stuff works at least I know Edward's here with good intentions.

I watched him go and felt myself slump once the door clicked closed. I knew there was no point in allowing myself to linger on Edward. I have no room for romance in this new life. When you become involved with someone and allow emotions to take over you are obligated to open yourself up- tell the truth. Answer questions. I had a feeling I wouldn't want to lie to Edward- that I would want to open myself up to him. That isn't possible, not now, not ever.

I stared out the window at the Spanish moss hanging lazily across the tree tops and allowed the regret and anger to wash over me. I had been robbed of a normal life, Alice and I were robbed.

"_Alice are you sure about this? You hardly know the guy he seems I don't know…creepy." _

_I half whispered the words knowing it wasn't my place to get involved in Alice's personal life especially because she didn't ask for my opinion. She was on cloud nine and I hated to disturb that. There was something off with James though. I couldn't explain it but it left me feeling anxious and worried. He seemed too persistent for only knowing Alice from seeing her around the neighborhood- it was off-putting rather than becoming._

_  
"Bella. He's left me flowers and notes for weeks now. I thought you would be excited for me? Isn't that the kind of romance you read about in all of those old books? James is _

_harmless- and besides- we're going out for a drink it's not a big deal" _

_I could feel Alice's eyes on me pleading to understand and give her some sort of assurance that I was ok with it. I wasn't. But- she's my best friend so I smiled and told her to have a good time. I'd just wait up for her and pounce as soon as she walked in the door._

"_Ok Bella don't wait up! And try to do something fun tonight you're always sitting on the couch reading in those some old tattered sweats" _

_Alice was amazing- managing to not only insult my clothing but my leisure activities as well all before the door close behind her. She is truly talented. _

_I sat awake in the living room alternating between reading and flipping through the channels until 1AM. _

"_Where the hell is she?" I was starting to get worried and began pacing between the window and door. 15 minutes later I heard keys jingling in the lock. I flew to the door wrenching it open-_

"_Where the hell have you been- you've been gone for 6 hours! And-"_

"_Oh Bella! He is amazing" Alice beamed floating right past me. She perched on a chair with a wide grin plastered on her face._

"_Great" I mumbled while I closed the door. I braced myself and turned ready to hear how he had become yet another soul mate-_

"_He's my soul mate Bella- I know I've said that before but this time I mean it. It's like he knows me better than I know myself."_

_I groaned._

It didn't take long for Miss Jean to come back nodding in approval at my days work. I was eager to get home and talk to Alice.

I drove through the dark roads quickly, anxious to feel secure again. I felt instantly relived when I turned down our gravel drive making my way to the guest house that we called our home.

It was sheer luck that we found this place. An old French Creole couple deemed the property too expensive and large to maintain on their own- we agreed to take over a majority of the yard work which gave us a great deal on rent. Of course, avoiding a lease or attaching our names to an electric bill didn't hurt either. It would be impossible to locate us living in a backyard but add to that a lack of contractual evidence and you have a perfect set up.

When I was a little girl imaging what my life would be like at 22 I wouldn't have thought this would be it. I try not to think about what was and what could have been, but when you've seen and done what Alice and I have, when you truly know what nightmares are made of, it's difficult not to wonder.

"Alice!" I yelled bursting through the door and flinging my bag onto the couch.

"In the kitchen-" She called muffled by the sound of clanks and clinks.

I nearly sprinted through the living roam and rounded the corner walking straight into the kitchen with obvious aggravation.

"How was your day?" She asked with a cocked eyebrow.

I stood against the counter nervously picking at my nails trying to figure out how I should word this without sounding insane.

_Well, Alice, I think I may have met the love of my life today even though we only spoke a few words to each other. Would you mind terribly if we just called this whole charade off? _

"It was Fine" I said letting petulance color my words.

"You're lying. What happened? Miss Jean try another one of those lonely spinster spells on you again?" She barked clutching her side at the memory.

"Ugh, no, thank god! It's really nothing, I feel silly even mentioning it, but I don't know." I inhaled slowly. "Well a customer came in to Miss Jean's today, but not anyone I have seen before. I don't know why it's turned me upside down. It wasn't just that he was gorgeous it was the pull I felt to him. Compelled in a way? I said only a few words to him and I'm sure he thinks I'm a 3 word maximum idiot but I felt strange when he left. Deflated in a sense?. Maybe I'm losing it for real this time." I stared at the linoleum trying to process my thoughts and deciding the pink flowers with blue faux grout was a really awful choice for any kitchen.

"Why does this make you feel uneasy? So you found a stranger attractive- big deal" Alice said probing my gaze upwards with her head tilted and eyes full of confusion.

I stared not knowing what to say.

She turned back to the stove to resume her stirring.

"You're right. It's just been a while, that's all. Small things are just big reminders that were limited."

I said this last part staring at Alice's back noticing her shoulders tense and her head cock to the side.

I immediately felt awful for saying anything at all. I knew she harbored so much guilt for our current situation no matter how many times I told her it wasn't her fault.

"I'm sorry Alice. I'm probably just hormonal" I laughed hoping she'd see that I was trying to make a joke of this and leave it alone.

But I was too late. I looked up and her face had fallen- her eyes were glassed over with tears that had yet to fall. I felt awful.

"Alice please don't-"

"No." She began, firmly. "No- Bella I am so sorry that you have to feel this way. If I hadn't- If he hadn't. I just wish I could change things. I wish I hadn't sentenced us to this life. I will never forgive myself." She was whispering the last few words so low I could barley hear her. I walked forward and pulled her into a hug.

"It's ok Alice. This isn't your fault and regardless you're my best friend- what happens to you happens to me. And we've talked about this before. It's isn't permanent- one day we can get past this- it will just take some time. We have to wait for people to…forget us." I lied.

We both knew that day may never come. We knew that a much more permanent situation was the likely ending to our story but we lied to each other to ease the pain.

When you love someone you learn to lie through the bad when you know facing the truth would be too much.

She nodded mopping her eyes with a dish rag.

I didn't tell her Edward would be coming back- for now I would keep that to myself. No need to discuss something that was surely nothing.

"So what's for dinner Al?" My attempt at enthusiasm sounded wrong and forced. Knowing Alice she would go along with it because she got me that way. She'd pretend that things were fine until they actually were. I don't know what I would do without her.

"Oh!" she squealed nearly bouncing to the splattered paper on the counter

"I found the best recipe for Enchiladas today- it sounds delicious. Want to help me chop the veggies?"

I nodded giving her an almost genuine smile and wrapped an apron around my waist.

We ate our dinner in front of the TV watching awful reality television in our own safe hidden world.

I woke with a start my heart racing. I looked around my bedroom noticing it was still dark outside. 4:08AM. My alarm clock was glowing bright red- mocking me with it's alertness.

I rolled onto my side hugging myself- shaking. I hated having nightmares about him- it made me feel trapped- even in unconsciousness I couldn't escape my past; our past. I squeezed my eyes shut willing the anxiety to subside.

"_Please go away. I told you Alice doesn't want to see you anymore why can't you take a hint?" _

_I tried to close the door once more- _

"_Look I just want to see her I have a few things I need to explain if you would just listen to me!" James yelled forcing his way in._

_He pushed hard forcing me back- my foot caught the corner of our area rug and I fell back, my head smacking into the wooden floor with a thud. I scrambled to get back to my feet but he was faster. He lurched toward me planting one hand firmly on my chest. I was flush with the floor struggling to breathe under the weight of his hand._

"_All I wanted to do was talk and you had to make things difficult. Now. I want you to keep our conversation to yourself, do you understand Isabella?" _

_He spoke low and menacing practically hissing when he said my name._

_I nodded, too scared to speak or scream or do any of the things I had planned if I had ever found myself in a situation like this. I tried to remember self defense but I was coming up blank. _

_He could sense that I wasn't going to fight back and continued, satisfied by my defeat._

"_Good. Now I know Alice is confused right now so I will try to be patient- but I assure you Bella patience is a virtue I do not possess. I will be back and I will see her and you will not stop me. I have done things Bella, things that would make a sweet girl like you wish you'd never been born." _

_His words were full of promise and I was convinced he was being as serious as the heart attack I was having. _

_He rose to his feet swiftly while I remained frozen in terror stuck to the floor. He took one last look at me spitting in my face before he turned on his heel and strode out the door. _

I lay there for a while trying to calm myself down knowing there was no way I would be able to sleep now. I dragged myself out of bed and went to the kitchen to make myself some tea. Alice had beaten me to it already filling the kettle when I walked in.

"Hey" I grumbled, not surprised to see her.

"Couldn't sleep" she said- even though we both knew my screams had woken her.

We stopped discussing my nightmares knowing that it only made things worse. She was always there for me though- to sit with me while the sun came up. I knew she did this because she felt guilty.

The thought made my stomach churn.

It didn't bother me that she wasn't cursed with frequent nightmares. We talked about that once- on one of our many late nights of drinking warm whiskey from the bottle nursing our wounds with mixed tapes and long car rides through the nothingness that was this town.

She thinks it's because I still question what we did while she doesn't. She claims to carry no remorse for what we've done and that's why, when her mind is at rest she isn't plagued by the past. I wanted to believe her but I couldn't imagine being that free.

I wonder at times if she is proud or ashamed of what she admitted to me. I try to convince myself that she's proud, but sometimes with Alice you just can't tell.

I wish I were able to build a fortress around myself. I am an open book with emotions plainly painted on my face. I feel everything. For someone like me, running isn't an option because I pack my problems.

When the sun rose and chased the bad away I made my way back to my bed closing my eyes and allowing my mind to play on green eyes and bronze cal licks. I drifted into a dreamless sleep at once.

The afternoon sun was baking me while I lie awake in bed face down willing sleep to come again. I could hear Alice bouncing through the house subtly trying to coax me out of bed. I knew once I left the sanctity of this room I'd be forced into running errands and holding bags for the rest of the day. I mentally groaned knowing I owed her for last nights impromptu tea time.

With that thought I rolled off my bed and onto my feet, ready for Alice to do her worst.


End file.
